Zombies Suck
by Rianale
Summary: Sequel to The Surreal World FMA Style. Might want to read that one before coming here. 3 idiots are teamed with the military, homunculi, and the Elrics in a crazy attempt to find the Stone in less than '51 episodes'. Title won't make much sense yet.
1. Talking Ceilings

**(As you can see, from now on it shall be written slightly different. Oh and please note the following names:**

**SalimaLiAkiyama: Sendo **

**Rubberninja: Sanura (or Kitten) **

**N0ob Assassin: Maddy**

**Hollaback Girl: Ronnie **

**Floop: Floop (sorry dude, but that's like your name set at birth to us.) **

**Everto Angelus: Avery **

**PyroDea: Sonja **

**Lupa-Goddess of Pain: Lupa **

**Spearette: Amanda**

**If you haven't read The Surreal World FMA Style (not that it has anything to do with the show) you may or may not want to read it. I don't know. You may understand this without reading the other 6 chapters. But you'll miss out on the funny. **

**I don't know, whatever floats your boat. Until it springs a leak…

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**

Sendo stretched as the sun peaked its way over the buildings of Central. The small room she had slept in a nearby inn was stuffy, and smelt of mold. But she couldn't complain. Or rather, she shouldn't complain. Sendo had a bigger problem. She had to find the Philosopher's Stone in less than fifty one 'episodes'. In less than fifteen hours and thirty minuets of a T.V. show. With two other people, just as, or maybe even more eager to find it. But a problem also laid in the problem. She had to find it with someone that…didn't _hate_ Sendo, but just _disliked_ her as much as you can without hating. The girl groaned and sunk back under the covers. How did she get herself into this? She wanted to just sleep the rest of her life away right there, in that sorry excuse for a bed, but surprisingly, it wasn't Sendo that forced herself away. There was a knock on the door.

"Hey Sendo!" In came a very cheerful Alchemist, perhaps no taller than Sendo herself, though she always commented on his height.

"Um…hello?" Sendo gave Edward Elric a strange look. He just stared back with a wide grin.

"You seem…happy…which homunculus died?" She asked, being completely serious.

"Ha, I wish. No, I actually forced myself to look at the positives of our little deal. The one good thing I thought of was that we may actually be able to find the stupid Stone." Edward replied.

"And what makes you so sure on that?" Sendo tilted her head to the left, something she did all too much.

"You know what these are?" The small Alchemist held up a hefty leather bound book, with many pages sticking out, the book looking quite old.

"Uh, is that the CRCT results?"

'_How did he get that?'_ She wondered.

"Yup it is. And listen to this. Sendo Akiyama: Six hundred out of a possible six hundred in science, math, geography and history. Now do you get it? We need brains like that. If you're really that smart, then we might just find this thing, or maybe even _make_ one without- well, you know…" Edward's grin never disappeared, but just shrunk down to a meek smile.

'_Oh shit! He has the one where I swapped results with Jessica!' _Sendo was now worried, a knot in her stomach. So he thought she was some super genius? She turned to look at him.

'_Oh fuck, he really believes this stuff.' _Sendo thought miserably. She had to tell him it was a mistake. A dumb mistake to make herself feel better about scoring a two fifty out of six hundred in every subject. But Ed's smile; So genuine. So sweet. How the hell could she turn someone like him down? With a gulp, Sendo replied,

"Yeah, well, I guess I just study hard…" She coughed up a fake smile, and left it at that. The smile hung wider, and the Alchemist said nothing more, but closed the book, and left Sendo to get ready. Shaking her head, sighing warily, she fell back to the rather hard mattress. He was really getting desperate.

"Damn you Jessica! Why didn't you talk me out of swapping our stupid grades!" Sendo thought she was just yelling at the ceiling, until a familiar red head's face started to materialize in front of her.

"_I did… but it was your desire to switch anyways…" _Sendo's old school friend Jessica said in a dream like voice.

"Uh, well, you didn't do a very good job…" Sendo briefly wondered if she had gotten drunk the night before, and was going through a serious hangover.

"_Never mind that now. I must warn you of a serious danger you will soon face." _Jessica's face was now completely in tact, staring at a rather terrified Sendo.

"You mean in more danger than I already am by following Ed around?" Sendo raised an eyebrow.

"_No, no, a much greater challenge. You mustn't enter the Tetsujin Temple. Though it's values are great, do not be tempted. There you shall surly meet your doom."_

"Uh, who said anything about a temple? I don't know a thing about Tetsu-blah blah blah Temple."

"_Wha-uh you don't? We're talking about Tetsujin Temple. The one with the Stone and-"_

"What Stone? Are you talking about the one I'm looking for?" This was getting interesting.

"_Yeah, I mean uh, no! Do not enter the Tetsujin Temple understand?"_

"Uh, sure, but I don't even know where it is…"

"_Oh, well that's good. Don't go to the Ama-uh, no! I mean, never go to the Temple! It will be your doom!"_

"But I wasn't going to go to it!"

"_Yes well. Do not go!"_ Jessica coughed, sweating a bit.

"_Now that we have an agreement, I must be off."_ And with that the face disappeared.

"Hm…something really tells me I shouldn't go to that temple. Then something else tells me I should. I've never felt such a combination of being confused, and indigestion. OH EDWARD!"

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**Yes, chapters are short, but this will be a somewhat short fic, so I'm milking all it's worth. Hope you enjoy.**


	2. So It Begins

"So if I had a choice to go to a temple and to not go to a temple a head on the ceiling told me about, your asking me what I would choose? Okay, ignoring the fact that you talked to a hotel ceiling, um, I guess I wouldn't go." It had been roughly ten minuets after Sendo had spoken with Jessica, or the ceiling. Whichever one was talking.

"Aw, why not? She mentioned the word 'stone' in it." Sendo whined. She really did want to go. But seeing as she would need help, she need Ed's consent.

"Well, phf, if some…thing tells you that you shouldn't go somewhere, why should you even try?"

"Because…uh…Stone…" She tried again. Ed shrugged, rubbing a rather large bruise to the left of his check. Sendo glared.

"Oh I see. Will you get over that? You walked in on me, I slapped you. We're even." She crossed her arms over her chest.

'_So that's why he doesn't want to go. Just cause I freakin' hit him. He saw me, well nearly naked, but it's only fair.' _Sendo thought miserably. She had underestimated Edward's speed, after she called for him, and was half way getting dressed when a pintsize alchemist came in.

"I told you, you slammed the door on my head before I saw anything!" He growled.

'_Okay, so it wasn't a slap, but I know he saw something…'_ Sendo kept this to herself, turning away from Ed, staring at the window, waiting for their anger to blow over.

'_Jesus…I wonder how stupid Mustang and Envy are fairing…'_ Ed thought.

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"What are you doing?" It had been a grand total of six point nine seconds after Edward had thought of the question, when Envy walked into his own small room in Dante's manor, in which Sanura was currently laying sprawled on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"I just had a conversation with you wall…Are we in the Twilight Zone or something?" She asked, blinking many times. He gave her one of those looks. **(1)**

"Can I ask you something?" Envy plopped down on a chair close to the door.

"Sure…" Sanura replied, in a dazed like state.

"What have you been smoking?" Being totally serious, he stared her directly in the eye.

"No, I'm not kidding! A friend of mine's face just popped up on your wall! She was all like 'Don't go to Tetsujin Temple' or whatever the hell it was called and-" Envy gave her a rather hard push off the bed. As Sanura hit the floor, he starched out, hands behind his head.

"What was that for you-"

"Tetsujin Temple…so I guess the rumors must be true…" Before Sanura asked him to elaborate, Envy saved himself the long explanation.

"Hey, go get the others. We're taking a little trip to Africa…"** (2)**

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**Notes:**

**1: Page 71 on Fullmetal Alchemist volume 2 is what I call 'his look'. If you don't have the book, e-mail moi and I'll give you a scanned copy of the page.**

**2: Yes, I know, there all in their own little world, but for right now, Africa is a continent on their world.**


	3. Specail Room

**Strange…three reviews like…6 minuets after it was made.**

**Everto Angelus: Naughty naughty. Lol. But it's cool.**

**MetalWing Alchemist: Screw them, I put in as many people as I feel needed. With me, it's like…the original characters aren't cool enough or stupid enough quick enough e.c.t. to do the things I want to happen in the fic. Besides, I wuff all my little characters since most of them are based on meh loveable friends.**

**Everto and MetalWing: -huggles- You guys are all great.

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**

"May I ask what she's rambling about now?" Riza Hawkeye stared blankly ahead through the one way window.

"Something about how the floor was talking to her." Roy Mustang replied warily. Lupa had to be put it a…special room the military just happened to have.

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_.:Flashback:._

"_So do all the room here have straight jackets, ropes, and door handles with the locks on the outside?" Lupa asked as she was ushered into the exact room she spoke of._

"_Uh, yes, of course. What HQ wouldn't have bared windows? Anyways, your staying here." Taking leave quickly, Maes Hughes turned from the black haired girl in a straight jacket, chained to a chair, the chair chained to the floor, the windows bared, locks on the outside of the room, the ceiling lights having bars across them also, and ropes, many ropes, tied to the back of the straight jacket, connected to the ceiling. Quite a maze it was. _

"_Um okay…hey, you guys will be back to untie me right?" Nothing but darkness answered._

"_Hello?"_

_.:End Flashback:.

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_

"The floor…" Hawkeye repeated slowly.

"I'll put it to you all bluntly," Said Jean Havoc. "we just need to take her out of her own misery."

"And how do you figure we go about doing that?" Armstrong asked from behind.

"Two shots to the back of the head outta do it."

"I never knew you to be dark like that." Riza said, though a hand seemed to be creeping to the hilt of her gun.

"Relax you guys, I'm not some psychotic bitch!" There was a heavy thud at the door where the four were standing. With some difficulty Roy forced himself to look at the grinning Lupa, who held a large amount of rope in her hand.

"Yeah, no one was really listening, and I really had to go to the bathroom, so I sorta left." She replied to their solemn faces.

"How the hell-"Another black haired person came from behind Lupa, an irritated look in his face.

"What's up dude?" She turned to Hughes, who for once looked somewhat, possibly angry.

"You won't believe how long it took us to tie you in." He grunted, pointing at the extra rope that Lupa had discarded to the floor.

"What are you talking about? You got some alchemist to do it."

"Well it took four minuets of their lives that they'll never get back." Riza gave a force cough, stopping the pathetic argument.

"Anyways, so what with Tetsujin Temple anyways?" Lupa asked. She received stares from everyone. Even people who heard from outside stopped.

"You've heard of the temple?" Asked the colonel, an eyebrow raised.

"Well the floor sure did."

"You want us to believe a floor told you about Tetsujin Temple?"

'_The colonel is right. She is one something…" _Riza kept that bit to herself.

"Well, what's so bad about it? Jessica said-"

"Who's Jessica?" Armstrong inturmpetd.

"Your floor in that room turned out to be a friend of mine named Jessica."

"And how did this friend of yours appear on the floor?" Havoc asked.

"What is it with you people and questions? Can't you except the fact that a friend of mine's face popped up on the floor and told me some crap about some temple?" Lupa was even starting to get annoyed.

"That doesn't really happen here too often, and I don't know if it does where you live, but it doesn't here." Replied Hughes, now taking a seat outside the room.

"So what's so bad about this place anyways?" Lupa asked, leaning against the door frame.

"You think she'd believe it?" Hawkeye whispered over to Mustang.

"This is Lupa. I'm sure." He said, then turning to the girl, he gave an explanation.

"Tetsujin Temple was a place many tribes put effort into building thousands of years ago. Since Africa was never a place of peace, and tribes always had wars going on between each other, it was a merical that they actually built the temple with agreement between them all. But strange things started happening after it's creation. Shortly after, all the tribes seemed to just have disappeared, and though their territories were unprotected, it seemed no one wanted it. A few hundred years later, it wasn't even charted on a map anymore seeing as anyone who entered the territory was never seen or found. The temples exact location is now a mystery to the world, and some say it doesn't even exist."

"But there was a rumor that the tribes were somehow made into an army of undead like-"

"Like zombies?" Lupa finished.

"Yes, I suppose." Lupa took this all in with quite boredom.

"Yeah, yeah. Been there done that. Zombies suck." She replied waving a hand in the air.

"You've seen a zombie." The same expression was stretched across Mustang, though it was more disbelief.

"Yeah, duh. Why do you think I have more than screws loose? I've seen lots of things…" She replied in a mysterious tone, a small grin coming back.

'Hm' Was all Mustang gave.

"You don't believe me do you? Of course you don't. Well we can settle it one of two ways. We can go to this little temple, tell it to National Geographic, make big bucks, or we could just as easily go to a cemetery." There was no way Lupa would leave something as big as an entire army of undead sit.

"And what makes you think any of us would go to Africa?" Roy looked her squarely in the face. This was an answer he wanted to hear.

"They have topless woman."

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**And that's all you'll get out of me for now.**


End file.
